You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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