he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
