Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
