i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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