Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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