I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Found the puke drawer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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