and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
