We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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