Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
