dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
