Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
