Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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