I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
