if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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