Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
