Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
