So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
