i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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