Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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