While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
