sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
