Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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