the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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