I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
