I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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