Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
