So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
