I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
