My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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