No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
