Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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