hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
