Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
