i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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