you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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