It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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