Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
