when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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