Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
