I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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