Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
