well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
