East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
