Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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