I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
