how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
