I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
