your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
