Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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