I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
