I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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