I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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