dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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