shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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