If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
