If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
