Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize