I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
