if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
